I love the Beatles, but the song "I Am the Walrus" must be stricken from my musical library. Why? Because the line "I Am the Eggman" is all that ever runs through my head when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I step into the shower, and I'm sick of it.
I suddenly find myself to be round. Things just don't appear to be in the correct places anymore and I'm padded in places where I never used to be. Add all this to the top of my freakishly skinny legs, well you get the picture... unfortunately.
I am a Prius commercial junkie. I am fascinated by them, what creativity! I wondered how they managed to make those ads since it looks like a million people were used to create the scenery, was it special effects? I found the answer here:
I would like to know who, exactly, at the U.S. National Weather Service was in charge of picking the name Jimena for the current storm menacing Mexico.
I've heard it pronounced seventeen trillion times today on the morning news shows, but damn if I can recall precisely how to say it. Part of the problem, I think, is that this:
keeps popping in my head every time and blocks my thought process.
*sigh...
Call me old fashioned, but I hope Keanah, Mauriona, Pommu, Rohannie or Ytalia don't soon follow, I shudder to think what my mind would conjure for those.
okay, I'm starting this post with a plea. I can tell you right now that the idea I'm about to espouse is sound, solid and quite practical. However, I don't know the first thing about working politics.
For that reason, I'm going to prevail upon stronger minds than my own and beg Paula Light (you can find her on facebook, beg her to take up the cause!) or my darling friend Chris to take up the slack and get this pig pushed through.
You see, I can't stand stupid drivers. I encounter them daily, and frankly, I'm sick of it.
I propose that morons should be excluded from the road.
Now, it seems to me the best way to accomplish this is to nip their wings in the bud, down at the DMV itself. Of course, the DMV is going to have to step it up a little bit too, but I'm sure that with the proper guidance and enforcement we can all enjoy an idiot-free driving lifestyle.
I think that we should devise an IQ test to be taken along side the actual driving test itself. Standardized tests are all the rage, you can't even log into facebook without 65 requests for you to take one or another, especially stuff like finding out what kind of SuperHero or cocktail you are, so I say we go for this like starving children.
We establish a median and if the general populace doesn't reach it, it's the bike path for them.
Not only will this assuage my sensibilities, it will reduce global warming significantly as well. Judging by their driving skills, those 'tards apparently haven't a fucking clue where their (they're-edited for my "fan" post publishing) going anyhow. Just imagine , all those exhaust emissions wiped out! No more sitting behind the jerk who forgets to watch the light for the left turn arrow and remembers just as it is turning yellow! No longer will we suffer the traffic jam caused by the poor confused housewife who can't figure out a merging lane! No more dumb asses who can't grasp the concept of placing their entire vehicle inside the turning lane! Quicker commutes, less congestion, fewer road repairs... the list goes on and on.
You all remember my goofball granddaughter, Ryann...
She is 8 years old. Ryann is a sensitive girl, her feelings and emotions run very deep. She is the kid crying her eyes out at weddings, or screaming a warning at the characters on television when a scary movie is on.
She loved, LOVED Billy Mays.
Last night, the Discovery Channel held a tribute to PitchMen star Billy Mays, who died June 28, 2009.
This means I won't be able to watch TV for at least a week.
The tributes. The anthologies. The horrifying displays of human grief and suffering over the loss, mass crowds gathered in vigils, young devastated fans snotting all over themselves...
I'm not a cynic, I'm just fed up with the media.
It was barely a year ago that they were swarming both of these people trying to get the money shot of the fallen icons, MJ's disgrace and Farrah's alleged mental breakdown. Vultures they were, and innuendo and suspect flowed like water, conjecture was the rule and sensationalism sold advertising. The public couldn't get enough dirt, and the shit talkers couldn't sling it fast enough.
Now they've passed and all of a sudden, there is reverence and appreciation being slimed through the airwaves. Look! We even have pictures!
Ghouls! Fuck this. The hypocrisy is nauseating and offends me.
Both of these people were just that, people. They had certain gifts, gifts we were allowed to share but they also had traits just like you and me, they were human, they made mistakes, they didn't handle every little thing in the moment. Is there anyone who doesn't reflect on the events of the day and wonder if they couldn't have handled something a little better?
I will be sad for the passing, for the loved ones that are left to suffer the loss, but I refuse to participate in the global hysteria over the departure. They lived, they died. Jesus.
In my mind, decency will come from respecting their death and finally leaving both of them alone... Unfortunately, it isn't likely that will happen.
I have a midlife crisis every time I drive it, I can't help but accelerate as if I'm Steve McQueen and once I'm flying I don't wanna stop.
Now, you all realize that I'm old, right? I am. I have no business driving a muscle car fast, or even slow for that matter. The laws of hotness dictate that I should not be anywhere near that vehicle, but fuck those laws.
In my mind's eye, I'm a goddess behind the wheel. I drive with the windows down and feel the wind in my hair. I usually have a Marlboro burning in my left hand, while the right is perched jaunitly at twelve o'clock on the steering wheel, a semi-apathetic expression plastered on my face for all to see, and see they do, I mean come on! It's a Challenger. I only wear my coolest outfits, and my seat is tipped back ever so slightly... It's a vision, really.
Music is important in a sweet ride like this, sometimes its STP's Wicked Garden, other times it might be Johnny Cash or Dr. Dre. So few choices...
I cruise my stupid suburbia feeling all that, assuring myself that there's nothing better than a hot girl in a hot car...
Reality? There's a really tired looking semi-deaf old lady with utterly no fashion sense and bad hair terrorizing the neighborhood in a big car.
This blog is intended for entertainment purposes only.
Statements made within may or may not be accurate and/or factual,
except for when I say that child molesters make me sick and I hate them...That part is true.
This blog is not intended for children.
Find me anytime at
http://my10kidfamily.blogspot.com
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
- Albert Einstein
