I wasn't always like this...: After Dinner...

Monday, February 27, 2006

After Dinner...

"Hey! Hey, you two! Watch this shit! See this, this commercial for Lunesta? Watch this! Ha! Lunesta!" my father excitedly yells, insisting on the attention of both Jeff and I during a commercial break last night as we watched Deal or No Deal, a program I was forced to view because as Jeffee explained, "You are outnumbered missy, there are two guys to your one girl, and besides, it's quality entertainment and there's like 30 hot girls wearing open front dresses."

Shhh! Shut up! Look! Ha! I've nicknamed this..." says dad, as he scoots forward on the sofa and indicates the general region of his crotch "....Lunesta! Fucking-A right! Lunesta, right here. Ha ha! I'll get one of those hot young girls from the show and introduce them to my friend, Lunesta!"

"Dad! What the hell!"

"Shh! Listen!"

So we stare in amazement at the television set waiting to see how the hell a commercial for a prescription sleep aid could possibly be synonymous with my father's junk.

Restless mind? Fall asleep quickly...

"That's right, fall asleep quickly! I'll get ya tired, I'll ease your mind!"

Tossing and turning? Give your mind and body the sleep they need...

"That's right! Give your mind and body the sleep they need baby, with my Lunesta. I got ya."

"Dad!"

"Ha ha! Shhh Kimmy Ann, listen!"

Side effects include drowsiness...

"Damn right you'll be drowsy!"

A bad taste in the mouth...

"Oh, hey, whoa, well sometimes yes, you're gonna have that, but not often."

"Oh my God Dad..."

Loss of coordination...

"That's right, you won't walk right after Lunesta, ha!"

Talk to your doctor today, and leave the rest to Lunesta.

"That's right, just leave it to Lunesta."

- Someone PLEASE get this man a girlfriend.

Comments:

Oh. My. God.

Have you considered a blow-up doll? Saw one on HBO's Real Sex that would probably do wonders for him.

# posted by

candy : 11:36 PM

Okay, I can't explain why, since I read you all the time for a year now and it's all funny but this post totally slayed me and I ROFL'ed or whatever you call it when you laugh so hard wine spurts out of your nose and you jerk back so hard that your little leather office chair snaps yer neck and then you reel forward and hit yer elbow on the slide-out tray that holds the keyboard and start cussing as you jump up and trip over the chair roller thingie under yer feet and fling yerself sideways and fall down cursing a blue streak.

Very funny. (snort)
Your fan,
http://flaurella.blogspot.com/

# posted by

Flaurella : 11:48 PM

I am so freaked out right now. Just tell him to stop it, ok? :) I'm thinking porn might help, as long as you don't have to sit anywhere nearby!!! :)

# posted by

Marel Lecone : 12:32 AM

I nicknamed someone's Fluppet, once.
There were these adverts for cuddly animal hand puppets all over the London tube trains - 'Fluppets - they come alive in your hands'.

OMG Why did I just tell you that.

Glad you said Lunesta was a sleeping tablet - we don't have that brand here and for a minute it sounded a bit 'Cynthia'. Trying not to imagine your dad buying it little sets of silk lingerie now,.. and yeah. I need a life.

Hehe.

# posted by

Cheryl : 2:22 AM

If you can imagine, I have returned here several times today trying to come up with an appropriate comment... and failed misserably, lol It's either brain-drain, or destroyed brain cells... I can't remember which.

# posted by

D Brooks : 4:23 AM

Lmao the stuff with your dad is always funny as hell Kim. And that was priceless

# posted by

barefoot wanderer : 4:46 AM

Erm, sorry, I'm not sure I could handle him. :)

# posted by

Jay : 4:58 AM

See adolescence always creeps back no matter the age.

# posted by

Bud : 6:09 AM

I told your father I would look for a few canidates but who the hell can handle all of that. He is something else.

# posted by

Chrissy : 7:51 AM

I have heard waaay worse names for it... Lunesta, well, it sounds kinda peaceful. Not that your Dad sounds like a beacon of tranquility or anything.. Guess the mushy married life doesn't last long around your house, huh?

# posted by

Ellen : 8:55 AM

I'v got a woman for your dad...Widower 65, very active, looking for love also in Chardon!

mdepetris@sentinelconsumer.com

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:07 AM

Flurella..I think it's snork, at least that's what I've been told that nose/wine/ combo is.

Kimmy Ann.. Your dad..Oh My GOD. My husband pauses the dvr on the chicks..noticing who's boobies look good in the dress and who are closer to a little boy. Thank good for DVR's since now we fly through the commercials...since we've been checking out BOOBIES!!

# posted by

MP : 9:15 AM

Girl I don't know how you handle that man! That is so funny! Who thinks of that shit??

# posted by

b : 9:17 AM

your old man is awesome
treasure that

# posted by

Master Foley : 9:31 AM

LMAO! Your Dad is a crack up Kim! I can imagine your household has no shortage of laughter!

:-)3T

# posted by

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) : 10:03 AM

ROFL! Now this you HAVE to contact Kimmy Ann..........
"Anonymous said...
I'v got a woman for your dad...Widower 65, very active, looking for love also in Chardon!

mdepetris@sentinelconsumer.com"

LOL, I love it... get Dad something to use all the Lunesta on.. LOL.. What's he gonna do with all that Lunesta? TFF.. I so love your Dad, he reminds me of mine.

# posted by

Chris : 10:20 AM

okay although your dad cracks my shit up. Parents and sex talk should just be oulawed. *shudder* hehehehehehe

But...I can't wait to make my son shudder with it. hehehehee

# posted by

Burfica : 10:43 AM

Seriously? There are just some things you shouldn't share with your parents. That would be #1.

# posted by

Queen of Ass : 10:44 AM

Too funny!

# posted by

Travel Italy : 10:48 AM

OK... that is absolutely hilarious...

# posted by

The Dung Beetle : 11:13 AM

I'll never see that commercial in the same way again.

# posted by

Superhappyjen : 11:21 AM

Wheeeeeeze... Damn, I know better than to read your stuff on the clock!

How old IS your dad BTW? I'd offer up my mom, but if he's as hot-to-trot as you describe I might be tempted to throw some of my naughty Sonata at him ;-)

# posted by

Laura : 4:07 PM

omg - I will never be able to see that commercial again without laughing my ass off. That woman laying there with that grin on her face in her sleep....well I'll pretend that Kims dad put it there. ROFLMAO!!!

# posted by

Sheri : 4:34 PM

tell him not to mix the lunesta and the viagra together or he could end up with one of those 4 hour, seek medical attention type of conditions! LOLOLOL! Please send this guy to Maine, I so want to meet him!

# posted by

Sue : 7:40 PM

Totally real and funny, why does this sound like reading a guy's mind? LMAO

# posted by

Daniella : 6:43 AM

RealDolls.com

'Nuff said.

ROFLFMAO

# posted by

Jade : 8:58 AM

lol to funny

# posted by

Carie : 10:46 AM

BWA HA HAAAAAAAAAA.....

I love Dad. He's a riot.

# posted by

Chicka : 12:26 PM

That is the funniest thing I've seen all day!

# posted by

karma lennon : 1:11 PM

That is some seriously funny shit.

Make it into a script and send it over to SNL. They could use you...and your disturbing father.

# posted by

debbiecakes : 5:06 PM

My mom is single and ready to mingle, just let me know when you wanna hook them up.

Maybe they could meet, fall in love then retire to Boca.....my life would be complete!

# posted by

Shannon : 12:09 PM

Monday, February 27, 2006

After Dinner...

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